...of the story

Navigate Your Path to Healing After Betrayal With Guidance From Licensed Professional Counselors and Coaches Nathaniel & Tammy Gustafson

…Who’ve Also Been In Your Shoes

...And Now Help You Find Healing

A Webinar Series With Nathaniel & Tammy Gustafson


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Working with Tammy around betrayal trauma has been a massive part of my healing journey. Her expertise and along with her wisdom and life experience, offer a safe place to share and know she cares as she coaches you through invaluable steps towards healing.

- KR

I felt like my life and marriage were at a dead end as I continued to abuse the trust of my wife. Nathaniel’s expert coaching and advice was the turning point in my life, allowing me to find the strength to right my ship, and be the husband I wish I had always been.”

- Grateful husband

After betrayal, nothing is the same.

It feels like you woke up in a nightmare and nothing about this feels like it is your life. Sometimes you just want to pretend like everything can be okay. And then - like a 2x4 out of nowhere - you realize…this is my life.

If you’re the betrayed partner, your emotions are all over the place - which is totally normal. Most days you want it to work, but other days you think it would be easier to walk away. And there is that ever gnawing question of “How do I know he won’t do this again?” You’re trying to find your voice and set boundaries, but you feel like you don’t even know who you are anymore...

If you’re the one who did the betraying, you want to change but everything you’ve tried hasn’t worked, and now it’s all out there. How do you even begin to pick up the pieces? How do you start to regain trust? How do you get her to understand that this time it’s different?

We understand exactly how you feel.

We call this webinar series “Both Sides of the Story.” We bring our years of professional experience and season it with their personal experience of betrayal. We are each other’s greatest consultants and these webinars reflect conversations we have about these difficult topics. You’re getting both sides of the story with us as counselors and coaches as well as husband and wife.


There will be a live Q&A during each of the webinars, so come with your questions.

Both Sides of the Story

2024 Schedule


3rd Annual Betrayal Healing Conference


Sex After Betrayal


Post Betrayal: When is it Safe to Trust Again?


How to Grieve: Individually & Together


Anger: Friend or Foe

June 6

Dealing with Shame

July 9

Navigating Power Dynamics After Betrayal

3pm ET/1pm MT/noon PT

August 8

Making Sense of the Chaos of Sexual Acting Out

3pm ET/1pm MT/noon PT

Both Sides of the Story

2023 Schedule


His & Her Triggers


Conflict, Connection & Communication


Navigating Risk After Betrayal


Power of Empathy




Navigating the Holidays


The Truth About Forgiveness

Hi there!

We’re Tammy & Nathaniel Gustafson, licensed profressional counselors and coaches in the betrayal field.

Each of us have our own practices (Betrayal Healing and TenderHearted Men) and take a trauma informed approach when helping clients. 


Tammy works with betrayed partners. Nathaniel works with husbands and couples.

We’ve been married for 18 years. Together we have more than 23 years shared experience and expertise.

Tammy & Nathaniel - Mountains

But what makes us different is that we have both the clinical perspective as well as the personal perspective. We’ve journeyed through our own story of betrayal — and emerged stronger on the other side.

We’ve decided to do this webinar series because we know they’re so many couples who desperately want to heal — but aren’t sure where to turn for help.

We bring our unique viewpoints as husband and wife — and our background of working with thousands of women, men, and couples to heal from betrayal.

And we want to help you on your path to do the same.

Both Sides cover - Nov 2023
Join us each month as we shoot straight about what works (and what doesn't work) in healing after betrayal.


Dealing with Shame

This month we’ll dig into the intricate layers of shame after betrayal for both partners. We’ll discuss the difference between her shame and his — and how societal norms exacerbate the feeling of shame for both partners.
For the betrayed partner, you’ll discover how trauma intertwines with shame. You’ll uncover how to stop the shame spiral, which is necessary because unresolved shame will rob you of your voice and power, both in how you feel about yourself and your relationship.
For the betrayer, we’ll discuss the nuances of shame and guilt. From feeling like a failure to the tricky dance between shame and avoidance, you’ll walk away understanding how shame sneakily attacks your identity— and what to do about it. We’ll also talk about how to get out of the shame cycle, which can lead to further destructive behaviors.
Together, we’ll unravel the web of shame and give you perspective and guidance for resolving it.


Anger: Friend or Foe

Why Anger is an Essential Part of Healing


Something that may surprise you:

For a woman to heal from betrayal, you must get angry.
In society, anger is often viewed as a negative emotion — but the truth is, anger is an essential part of the healing process. And it’s a step that can’t be skipped! 

When women can get honest about their anger, it benefits the long-term relationship.

However, there’s a difference between anger and rage, and it’s important to know the difference.

That’s why we're tackling anger head-on during this month’s webinar. We’ll talk about what happens when women don’t get angry and how to handle this misunderstood emotion positively.

We’ll also talk about strategies for how he can support her during the anger process and how not to become defensive. 


How to Grieve: Individually & Together

The grieving process IS the healing process...whether you are the betrayed partner or the one who did the betraying. There is tremendous amount of grief after betrayal.


It is very common to hear people say - "I don't know how to grieve." That is true both on an individual level and as a couple.


During this interview, Tammy and Nathaniel will explain what it means to grieve, how to handle the intense emotions, and how to grieve together - and separate.


We’ll also give direction on how to deal with it so that you can ride the waves of grief — not be overtaken by it.


When is it Safe to Trust Again?

Post Betrayal: When is it Safe To Trust Again?


Betrayal shatters trust.


For women, you don’t know how you can trust again. And even if you want to trust, how do you know when it’s safe to?


Plus, it’s not just about trusting him. You may have lost trust in yourself – you wonder how you missed the signs of what he was up to. How do you trust without feeling stupid if he does it again?


For the men, you may wonder what you need to do to regain her trust. How long will it take? Why is she not trusting you when you’re doing “all the right things?”


That’s why this month, we’re going to dive head first into trust and discuss: 


  • Keys to earning trust
  • How to establish boundaries around trust 
  • When to know if he’s actually doing the work to regain trust 


Trust is the cornerstone of healing and moving forward in a relationship, so we invite you to this important talk. 


Sex After Betrayal

Sex is one of the most difficult and triggering ares of healing after betrayal, not only because of the deeply personal and sensitive nature of the topic, but because it also where the wounding happened.
This webinar will guide you and your partner through key aspects of healing sex after betrayal including:
  • how to talk about sex
  • how to know if you are ready to reengage in sex
  • what to do when you have different expectations
  • safety during sex
  • dealing with triggers during sex
  • ...and more!
There are so few safe places to talk about sex, especially after betrayal. We also know that this is a very sensitive and triggering topic. We promise to offer a safe and respectful space and conversation.


The Truth About Forgiveness

Forgiveness is such a sensitive topic after betrayal. There are many misconceptions about what forgiveness is, what it is not, when it should happen, and its impact on the relationship.


For the betrayed partner, there is often pressure on the betrayed partner to forgive quickly and put it behind her. Most talks about forgiveness leave a woman disempowered and wondering if she is doing it wrong.


And for the men who want to repair the relationship, they may desperately seek forgiveness from their partners, which inadvertently makes it about him. And this shuts down the healing process.


This month, we’ll explore the intricacies of forgiveness after betrayal, empowering the betrayed partner, and help shed some light on how the man can help - rather than hurt - the process.


Navigating the Holidays

Feel lots of trepidation about going into the holiday season? If so, you’re not alone.


The holidays are supposed to be times filled with “joy” and “cheer,” but after betrayal, it can feel treacherous. The betrayed partner often feels unsafe or that they have to pretend in order to make it through family gatherings. The one who betrayed often struggles to not fall back into old family patterns.


During this webinar, we’ll discuss how a betrayed partner can protect her heart while navigating and establishing boundaries. And we will walk men through how to maintain sobriety and emotional connection with his partner to help keep her safe.


We’ll also discuss how partners can make a plan together about family gatherings (especially the ones with the in-laws…or adult children) so you’re not uttering to yourself all of November and December, “I just need to survive the holidays!"



Gaslighting is one of the main things that keep women confused and stuck after betrayal. Blame shifting, defensiveness, attacking, minimizing, denying, procrastination, stonewalling, lying, omitting….all these play a part in a cycle of gaslighting which leaves her doubting herself and feeling like she’s going crazy.


And partners — sometimes — don’t even recognize they’re doing it.


During this webinar, women will walk away with an understanding of what gaslighting is, what it does to them, how to recognize it quickly, and what to do about it.


Men will also be able to identify their gaslighting behaviors and uncover what they need to do to stop this destructive process so they can repair their relationship with their partner.


Power of Empathy

After betrayal, a husband's genuine empathy can speed up his parter’s healing. It's about recognizing and validating her feelings, not just "fixing" things. Yet, for many men, tapping into empathy is tough. Emotional barriers, pride, and confusion play a big part.


For women, it's crucial to feel their desire for empathy is valid and not seen as being too demanding.


Join us for our September webinar on the "Power of Empathy." Husbands will gain tools and understanding to express genuine empathy, recognizing that resonating with their partner’s feelings is crucial — rather than offering solutions. Women will understand their need for empathy isn't about being needy — it's about genuine connection and healing.


Navigating Risk After Betrayal

Navigating post-betrayal risks can feel scary for both partners.


For the woman, leaning back into the marriage sparks uncertainty. She wonders, “How do I protect myself and open my heart at the same time?” Healing means reopening intense pockets of pain — and sometimes, that feels just too risky.


For the man, betrayal compounds risk. He now needs to share the parts of himself he likes the least. And he also knows there’s so much riding on his ability to connect with his wife's emotions, but how does he do that when he has little to no experience doing so?


During this webinar, we’ll tell you how to navigate these risks safely so you can rebuild trust and communication.


Conflict, Connection & Communication

After betrayal, everything is harder. Even simple conversations can veer off the road and burst into flames.


A communication mistake on his part can leave her feeling triggered, him feeling he has to be perfect...and both sides feeling hopeless.


During this webinar, we’ll unpack how to navigate these hard conversations. He can expect concrete tools (and pitfalls to avoid) to help her deescalate. She can expect to be validated to hold her ground and honor her intuition.


It is possible to have healing conversations…even during hard moments.


His & Her Triggers

Join us, Nathaniel & Tammy, for a 90-minute webinar and Q&A we’ll have a frank conversation about His & Her Triggers.


Regarding His Triggers, we will cover two things: sexual triggers and brain fog (aka. shutting down). Sexual triggers ignite the neuropathways in his brain and if left unchecked, could lead to sexually acting out. Brain fog often happens in the midst of a fight or in the midst of one of his wife's triggers.


Regarding Her Triggers, we will cover how to calm and deal with the triggers of what her husband has done. The physical and emotional intensity associated with triggers can be overwhelming and feel as though you are back at day one.


Together, we will address how to understand, navigate, and come out the other side of triggers.

A Few Questions You Might Have…

Get Both Sides of the Story during June's webinar on…

Dealing with Shame